Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
