I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
