I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
