I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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