So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
