you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
