The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
