Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I AM VODKA MAN
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
