She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
