Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
