put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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