real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
