If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
