Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
