We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found puke in my bra..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i drank out of a bidet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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