it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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