You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
