I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
