I didn't shave. On purpose
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
