My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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