Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
