Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
