I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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