My room smells like vodka and shame
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
