Redeem this text for a blowjob
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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