I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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