I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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