I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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