she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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