Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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