I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
