i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
