I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
