It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
