mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
