I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
