just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
