I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
