yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So squirting runs in the family.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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