6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
