Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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