I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it hurts more in the daytime
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
