wanna go halves on a baby?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
