Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
