i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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