ya dads aren't the best wingmen
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
