So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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