just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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