I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am one with the molecules
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
