no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
