As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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