About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
